i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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