So drunk its hurt
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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