i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
