Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
