you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
