we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
