what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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