put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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