She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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