my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
