the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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