She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
