It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
