I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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