I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
