im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
did i walk over a car last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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