If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
