he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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