I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When did angry sex become our thing?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
