I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
