Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
