My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just threw up on my dentist
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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