his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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