I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
