I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
