Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
