Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
