you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
