Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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