Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
