I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize