Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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