so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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