fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize