My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
