i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize