you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
