I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize