I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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