I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
