just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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