You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize