i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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