If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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