Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
