he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
