god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
