i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize