Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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