The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
