My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Where is the hickey?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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