um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
