you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
