know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
