And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize