I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
