a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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