I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I showed him my bush... on skype.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize