he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
