This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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