And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
