I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize