It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
