You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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