I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My liver just broke up with me...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
