I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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