mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
