i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
