I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
