Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
