you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize