What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
