I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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