your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
