is your mom at the bar?
vagina is talking i cant
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
