She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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