I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
