so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
