So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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