Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
