I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
