So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
