even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize