so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Randomize
