this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
