Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
