hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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