Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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