I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He keeps bees of course he's weird
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
