dude i'm inner monologue high
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
