He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
