Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize