Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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