Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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