So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
