as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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