I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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