Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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