He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize