I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
