That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
