I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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