If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you never un-have a 4some
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