He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
